i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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