I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
