see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
