areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
