K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
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It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.