I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids