A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she peed on how many people?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
