You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
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These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
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Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.