those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
