I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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