just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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