I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
