I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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