Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
