When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
