the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
