So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
