She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
