ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
