i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
