he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
