I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
