Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
