My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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