I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
