I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
