just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize