everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just pee around me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
