I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
