Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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