you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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