I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
