Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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