Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
my liver is dry heaving
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
