you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
