You smell like a Billy Joel song
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
