it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Be still, my beating vagina.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
