Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
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She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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