READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
