ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
