WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
