Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
