You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
