I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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