he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
