Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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