I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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