Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
