walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
