The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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