I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
