Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
