So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
