Pappa wants mamma naked
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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