Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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