no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
