I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
