if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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