I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
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She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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