..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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