you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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