I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
