considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
