Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
