all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
