You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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