The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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