Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
