I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
