just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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