I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
