you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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