take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
