Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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