We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
