how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
