In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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