TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Damn victory sex feels great
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
