she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
