I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
